So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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