He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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