You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
