I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
