i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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