If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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