She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She told me I should be a condom model.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
