I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
