My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
