Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
