All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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