I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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