Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
