Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
