Are we in a gay sports bar?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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