Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You made out with two different species that night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
