Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
