My liver just broke up with me...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
