I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
