it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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