every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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