she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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