Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
