Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
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i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
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how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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