So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
