If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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