hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
