i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
