it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
