That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
