I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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