Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
