I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
