I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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