At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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