I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
