Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
