I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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