May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
