I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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