Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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