You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
