you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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