I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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