im six kinds of drunk right now
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
