you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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