My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
