dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
