i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
