with your own penis?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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