My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
