There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
