What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
