Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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