There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
