I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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