Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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