The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
