Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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