you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
