How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
