Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
