We're like a lot better than the average bears
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
