This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
