Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
