I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
